Anatomy of a solid

Drowsy was right, it is the photo-op that launched a thousand handshakes, inspiring people all over the world and a much-discussed solid fresco on the South Side of Chicago. Seems innocuous enough: Jerry Brown on the campaign trail, circa 1992, greeting some Main Street well-wishers in a flyover state. It’s the scan of a photocopy of a smudged newspaper clipping (now unfortunately lost to posterity). But it is the Rosetta Stone of the solid shake. And the sooner you understand it – and appreciate the subtleties that make this tableaux so important — the sooner you can take a step up on the enlightenment ladder. So, I sent the image down to Sam at the lab to process and highlight these key elements.


Part the FIRST: A SIMPLE SOLID.
The first of course is the most obvious and most important: the solid itself. Were it just two people in a vacuum greeting each other this moment would still be worthy of our attention. But nature abhors a vacuum and rightly so. Read on.



Part the SECOND: PRIDE, IN THE NAME OF LOVE.
Notice the expression of aloof gravitas JB is wearing. Serious and only mildly engaging, but obviously thinking about weightier issues, that certain air of quiet superiority it’s so important to cultivate. In other words: ain’t no thang.



Part the THIRD: GOLLY.
Like electricity, the solid is a circuit. Two contact points join and the energy flows. (Get your mind out of the gutter. You don’t have to work blue — you’re better than that, dammit.) In this case, the force is even stronger because of goober’s excessive fawning. He is awed by the whole business. And well he should be. To his credit, though, he does seem to recognize his moment in history and responds with a solid, albeit a groveling one.



Part the FOURTH: ACCESSORIES TO A SOLID.
A few key visuals illustrate and reinforce the previous point. It’s trucker hat versus turtleneck. Never stood a chance.



Part the FIFTH: THE ROAD NOT TAKEN.
Notice there is another person trying to shake JB’s hand. But that individual is reaching for the reduced-fat mayo. The governor deftly avoids this trap. Do likewise, friends.



Part the SIXTH: LEAD BY EXAMPLE.
A further layer to this historic moment (and to any solid for that matter) is the people who are watching. The bystanders. You can just barely see these smudges that are impressionable onlookers (note to self: dock Sam’s pay for shoddy work). You never knoW Who might be Watching, especially with that Wacko in Washington. Remember the kids. Teach them well and let them lead the way.



Part the SEVENTH: BLOWUP or In the crossfire.
If a tree falls in the forest and there isn’t a photographer nearby to shoot it does the tree make a noise? Here, the photographer in the background is clearly on top of his game. Check out the light meter. And allow me to blow your mind this time (pace Delfonics): there is the aforementioned photographer AND the photographer who snapped our illustrious photo that we’ve been examining.

CONCLUSION
A lot to digest. A lot to reflect upon. Some deep analysis of this the objective correlative of the solid. Reality is often like looking into a Chinese box or into one of the monitors behind a local newscaster that has all the other channels playing and his own image as well and you're trying to see his image in the monitor in the monitor. Either way, just KISS. Keep It Solid Stupid.

There are no lame handshakes in heaven (Bob Marley Birthday edition).

Bob Marley was a very important ambassador in many respects. One overlooked aspect is his work spreading the use of the proper manly greeting. Showing love to all men, nevertheless Marley sometimes had to work wholesale and educate the style leaders of the time, hoping for a trickle down of solid. Not appetizing as stated, but this was decades before Reagan tried it, so give a rasta some slack. How many times did Bob have to go over and over and over the solid with George Harrison until he got it half right? This picture probably represented a high instance of repetition. You can see the fire in Bob's eyes, daring Harrison to get it wrong one more time. Or possibly trying to hypnotize George, with Harrison's eyes open wide, trying to soak up the simple instructions via karma.




One solid highlight came with Bob's biggest challenge. As they say, you have to clean up your side of the street before you can point at the glass houses in someone else's rose garden. Marley had to show his home country that World Peace began at home. To demonstrate this, he had some very raw material to work with: A stage, an audience, and two very stiff and angry men: mortal enemies Edward Seaga and Michael Norman Manley. No ganja or any fraternal-feeling enhancers were allowed in this demonstration. This was to prove the efficacy of the solid alone. Dubbed the One Love Handshake, Marley had to personally intervene to hold the men in some semblance of the solid, allowing its natural healing powers to go to work for all Jamaicans. The rest is history.

There are no lame handshakes in heaven.

St. Peter does not give you a high five. (Sebastian might.)



After a long harp lesson in the acoustic cave, these once broken, once mortal men celebrate the God-given restoration of limb control in the proper sanctified way.